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Why Am I Still Single? A Question Many Christian Singles Are Asking

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Why Am I Still Single After Years of Praying and Waiting?


Of course there is no one, single answer to such a question given that every situation and individual are different. Nevertheless, there are certain mindsets that repeatedly interfere with many Christian single women and Christian bachelors landing a godly spouse. What are some of those mindsets that not only get in the way of meeting prospects, but also in developing a relationship that leads to marriage? However harsh it might sound, certain attitudes, no matter how much prayer goes up, will continue to keep many Christian singles asking, "Why am I still single?"

Christian Bachelors and Their Search for a Wife


While there are stifling attitudes held by single Christian men as well as women, some are exclusive to men just as others are exclusive to women. Among the mindsets of Christian bachelors that can, and often do, get in the way of finding a godly wife are:

1. Being automatically closed to women who are even two years older

2. Being too bashful to approach women considered attractive in the majority opinion or women of a different race

3. Believing, due to an innocent or willful misunderstanding of biblical scripture, that a Christian wife is to be controlled like a child

Again, these are not the only beliefs and thought patterns that can be behind why some Christian bachelors will continue to ask, "Why am I still single?"

Single Christian Women and Their Search for a Godly Husband


What are some of the mindsets in women that could be interfering with finding the man to which they could be a most helpful help meet? The following attitudes held by some Christian ladies just might block ever attaining happiness in marriage:

1. Automatic rejection of men who are more than five years younger

2. Automatic rejection of Christian bachelors who are short in stature - Most women will never consider entering into a relationship with a dwarf. However, fairytale ideas of marrying a tall, dark, and handsome usually remain just that--fairy tales.

3. "Doctoring" their description of what they look like on dating sites - If you're overweight, be honest about it. What good is telling a "white" lie to land a date with a guy who wants someone who is slim or at least not obese? Losing weight is not only beneficial to your health, it just might eliminate you from those who are asking, "Why am I still single?"

Other Ungodly Attitudes Held by Some Christian Singles


As mentioned earlier, there are some mindsets and forms of behavior in many Christian men as well as women that are causing both to ponder, "Why am I still single?" Some of those mindsets and attitudes include:

1. Rejection of someone simply because he or she has a physical disability or injury, making the individual "imperfect" and unfit to be considered

2. Rejection of someone, including a truly born again Christian, who led a shameful life before being washed clean in the blood of Jesus - That person just might be the one God has chosen for you, but you judged his choice too dirty.

3. Listening to the advice of married people who have no idea what it's like to endure the extreme frustration that persistent singleness can cause -Some of those married people want you to remain single for reasons that are not godly.

4. Automatic rejection of some races, including your own - We are all entitled to our personal preferences. However, sometimes we would do well to make sure that our personal preferences are not being fueled by ungodly attitudes.

5. Not putting in sufficient time in your search to find a Christian wife or husband

6. Automatic rejection of Christian singles with children - Again, it's understandable that someone with more than two kids had out of wedlock might not be viewed favorably. Nevertheless, quick, sharp rejections of people can be so strong that they interfere with you hearing the voice of God.

7. Idle conversation - Many never married, older Christian singles who ask, "Why am I still single" should themselves be asked, "Why when you meet someone who's a prospect do you converse about everything but what's important to building a possible romance?"

8. Being indecisive and failing to use common sense - Some Christian singles feel the need to pray even before answering a message they receive from someone on a dating site or before sending a message to someone. Believers, like anyone else, need to use common sense instead of praying about every little thing.

The Third Man by Angela Sheffield Based on true events, The Third Man by Angela Sheffield, brings the Bible up close and personal as the characters face real issues of life: Betrayal, deceit, romance, bitterness, anger against God, hopelessness, will power, perplexity, triumph, unforgiveness, mental illness, and the "Alcohol made me do it" excuse. Read chapter one FREE now.



Copyright notice: This website and its content is copyright of © Heavenly Manna (HeavenlyManna.net) 2002-2016.

Comments/Comentarios:

I noticed that under the reasons for women being single you made some comments re: weight. Why is that such an issue? There are many nice marriageable who are not skinny. Maybe the men need to open their mind to that instead of expecting some perfect skinny supermodel!
by: Maria
Posted on 2012-04-25 01:50:29


To: Maria

No fair person would find fault with a man who does not want an obese woman. Being a healthy weight and being a "super skinny supermodel" are two different things; and we all know that. The fact that a man wants a lady who is not overweight does not turn him into a vain person looking for "skinny." Also, we notice that your criticism is totally against the man. We clearly mentioned the fact that many obese women lie about their weight on dating sites. You are silent when it comes to this wrong that the women are committing, but quick to accuse the men of vanity. Unjust accusations are not Christian.
by: Heavenly Manna
Posted on 2012-04-26 02:22:35


Well, I am seriously wondering about motives for posting my comment if you disagree that strongly. It seems to me you posted my comment in an effort to attack and embarrass me simply for having an opposing view. Your answer was meanspirited and hurtful. Yet, you call yourselves Christian? Since when is picking on someone body size Christian? or telling someone they aren\t a Christian Christian? You don\t know me or my walk with the Lord, so you have no right to judge in that respect. I\d assert that this article at its heart isn\t Christian. Why not? #1 Size prejudice isn\t Christian either! God loves us ALL regardless of our body size! Where in the 10 commandments doesn it say thou shalt not marry a large sized women? #2 As for me centering on the man, well it because it is the men who are critizing larger sized men, not the other way around. I noticed your list criticizing single women is a LOT longer than that of the man. If one looks at it, such sexism is not exactly Christian either. Are you telling me it ok to criticize women but never men? Well thata called pride...and pride is definitely a sin! Overall, I\d say your unhelpful comments and your group in general isn\t Christian at all! In reality, you\re just a bunch of narrow minded bigots who pretty much demonstrate everything that is wrong with 21st Century Christianity. I doubt you\ll print this because you have to appear right and everyone else wrong, but if you don\t print this, then I would ask that please remove my previous remark too since it clear you\re not interested in keeping an open mind...and merely want to put down others.
by: Maria
Posted on 2012-04-26 12:46:36


To Maria:

You Wrote: "It seems to me you posted my comment in an effort to attack and embarrass me simply for having an opposing view."

Our Response: If we had NOT posted your comment. What would you have said?
=========
You Wrote: "Your answer was meanspirited..."

Our Response: We're mean-spirited because we will not accuse men who do not want an obese woman of being vain?
=========
You Wrote: "Since when is picking on someone body size Christian?"

Our Response: Since when is telling the truth that there are men who are not, and never will be attracted to overweight women "picking on someone because of body size?"
=========
You Wrote: "You don't know me or my walk with the Lord, so you have no right to judge in that respect."

Our Response: Anyone who is angry with men who do not want to date or marry an obese woman is angry without a just cause. That is not a Christian attitude. If that fits you, then it fits. If it does not fit you, then don't worry about it.
=========

You Wrote: "Where in the 10 commandments does it say thou shalt not marry a large sized women?"

Our Response: Where in the 10 commandments or the Bible as a whole does it say that a Christian man is wrong if he does not want to marry an obese woman?
=========
You Wrote: "I noticed your list criticizing single women is a LOT longer than that of the man."

Our Response: There are 3 things listed for women. There are 3 things listed for men. Where is the imbalance?
=========
You Wrote: "In reality, you're just a bunch of narrow minded bigots..."

Our Response: You are the one who has stooped to name-calling, but we are the ones who are not Christian?
=========
You Wrote: "I doubt you'll print this because you have to appear right and everyone else wrong..."

Our Response: You see that your comment has been posted. The only thing that is wrong is any attempt to force attraction to large women upon men who are not interested romantically in overweight females.

Some men prefer obese ladies; others do not--and that is their right. Also, again, you are totally silent on the part of the article that speaks of when some women blatantly lie about their weight on dating sites. So, we ask you: "Why do you completely overlook the woman's wrong?" Could not a man rightfully view this as sexism on your part?
by: Heavenly Manna
Posted on 2012-04-26 19:15:53


Lying, of course, is wrong. I don't condone or encourage such in either gender. Now why you would call me a man hater is interesting. You can't handle the fact I called you out on your comments...and they are meanspirited. Your posting my comments proves absolutely nothing...except you truly are a bully who can't handle it when someone presents an opposite view. More proof that you are probably woman haters who still live in their mother's basements lol Ok I'm done. Tired of wasting my time with morons. Nameste, God bless and all those other things...
by: Maria
Posted on 2012-04-26 20:18:06


To Maria:

You wrote: "Now why you would call me a man hater is interesting."

Our Response: Where did we call you a man hater? In the very last line of our previous answer, we reminded you that you had not addressed the wrong on the part of the obese woman who lies about her weight. We then pointed out that men could rightfully see that as sexism. Where do you see "man hater" in that sentence, which is a true statement?
=======
You Wrote: "You can't handle the fact I called you out on your comments...and they are meanspirited."

Our Response: "It appears that you can't handle the fact that we we will not attempt to justify your unfair anger against men who are not romantically attracted to obese women." And, if we could not handle comments, we would not have set up a comments system.
=======
You Wrote: "Your posting my comments proves absolutely nothing."

Our Response: In your previous response you wrote, "It seems to me you posted my comment in an effort to attack and embarrass me simply for having an opposing view." So, if our posting your comments proves NOTHING. That proves we did not post them to attack anyone. We also asked you, "If we had NOT posted your comment, what would you have said?" This is a question you did NOT answer at all.
=======
You Wrote: "...you truly are a bully who can't handle it when someone presents an opposite view."

Our Response: A bully threatens and harasses other people. When did we threaten you? When did we harass you? Is your "opposite view" that men should be forced to like obese women? What EXACTLY is your opposite view???? We don't expect that you will answer this question either.
=======
You Wrote: "More proof that you are probably woman haters who still live in their mother's basements lol"

Our Response: Many reading this could think that your anger against men who are not attracted to obese women is "proof" that you are defensive of obese women because you are obese and still single or perhaps a friend or relative of yours is obese and still single. That might be true and that might not be true. Readers do not know you, so they have proof of nothing. Likewise, you do not know us. Therefore, you have proof of NOTHING.
=======
You Wrote: "Tired of wasting my time with morons"

Our Response: You only make yourself look bad when you resort to name calling. Have we called you any names? We will answer that question for you. NO, WE HAVE NOT.
=======
From our response to your previous comment:

You Wrote: "I noticed your list criticizing single women is a LOT longer than that of the man."

Our Response Was: There are 3 things listed for women. There are 3 things listed for men. Where is the imbalance? This is another of the questions you chose NOT to answer at all. Why is that?

In your first comment you wrote, "Maybe the men need to open their mind...." Men need to be told to open their mind, but obese women should not be advised to control their weight?

Do you honestly not see one-sided criticism in favor of obese women in such a statement? Are you honestly saying that we should put all of the responsibility for change on the men? Do you HONESTLY not see anything wrong with saying that men need to open their mind while being totally silent on what obese women need to do, such as control their weight and not harbor anger against men who are not attracted to them nor harbor jealousy against slender women?

Maria, we sincerely hope that you overcome your anger against men who are not attracted to obese ladies, because such anger is unjustified. Telling men to open their mind while saying nothing to obese women about controlling their weight is unfair. We believe that you know in your conscious the answer to these questions whether you ever admit it or not. We believe you know that men who are not attracted to large ladies are not guilty of anything. And, they are not responsible for unhappiness in single obese women.
by: Heavenly Manna
Posted on 2012-04-27 14:53:47


I appreciate what you're trying to do with this page, but in a way, I think pages like this may be more harmful than helpful.

I'm thin, attractive, college educated and look like a model, and I am still unmarried. (No, I did not put career before getting a man, don't even go there.) My point is that being thin and pretty is no guarantee of getting a Christian husband.

I don't have any baggage or problems that need to be fixed that are preventing me from getting married: there just aren't many single guys my age in my area.

God does not demand that people perfect themselves before sending them a spouse, but I see that sort of thinking through-out this page (that is, 'if you just clean yourself up and fix your flaws, God will grant you a spouse.')

One problem is that Christian single females outnumber males in churches, and there is nothing single Christian women can do about that.

At the end of the day, nobody really knows why some Christians remain single past 35 years old - it may be due to reasons that are beyond their control or not their fault.

That's why I think telling people things like "if you just lost ten pounds," "consider dating shorter men," "try being more assertive," "grow your hair out," etc, is too simplistic.

Even if a person is willing to date a person of another race, someone shorter than herself, someone older/younger than they are, etc, that is no guarantee they are even going to run across that sort of person.

As for your comment to another person,
"...what obese women need to do, such as control their weight and not harbor anger against men who are not attracted to them nor harbor jealousy against slender women?"

That is pretty one sided and sexist. I prefer movie star good looking men, not fat, obsese sloppy looking males.

Some women are very visually oriented, such as myself. But your assumption seems to be that only men want or deserve good-looking significant others, which is wrong- women deserve those qualities in a mate too.

It's a mistake, sexist, a double standard, and very shallow for Christians to lecture Christian women to lose 20 pounds but at the same time that they should be open to dating fat or short men.

Fair is fair. If you're taking that view, you need to lecture tubby Christian single men to hit the gym and lose the beer gut.

You said,
"There are 3 things listed for women. There are 3 things listed for men. Where is the imbalance? This is another of the questions you chose NOT to answer at all. Why is that?"

Because you only mention physical appearance in a critical context in regards to females ("Lose weight fatty, if you want a man") but don't tell men "Lose weight you fat slobs, if you want a girl friend."

And, to be more hypocritical, you go further by telling women to consider dating short men (to over look a physical trait that they may not find appealing).

That is hypocritical - either tell both genders to be open to dating all physical appearance types (short men for women and obese/overweight ladies for men), or leave it out entirely.

To get a good idea of what older Christian singles (both males and females) go through and the discrimination or ostracization they face in churches and Christian culture, please see the books "Quitting Church" by Julia Duin and "Singled Out" by Colon and Field.

by: ChristianPundit
Posted on 2012-09-19 16:59:30


In what part of the article did we say that being thin and pretty is a GUARANTEE of getting a husband? In no part. No intelligent person would even attempt to say that anyone can guarantee getting a spouse. In what part of this article did we say that everyone has baggage? In no part. The fact is that many people do have baggage. So, no reader of the content has to wear the shoe if it does not fit. In what part of this article did we say that God says to perfect ourselves to get a mate? In no part. Losing weight (we mention the weight issue because the women are so quick to jump to the defense) is not perfecting oneself. If we tell someone to make sure he/she is clean before going to a job interview, we are not telling him/her to perfect him/herself. We are giving good advice, whether they get the job or not. Let's not stretch issues to where they don't belong. Losing weight and taking some pride in your appearance and caring for your physical health does not in any way, shape, or form equate to "perfecting oneself."

You wrote: "One problem is that Christian single females outnumber males in churches, and there is nothing single Christian women can do about that. At the end of the day, nobody really knows why some Christians remain single past 35 years old - it may be due to reasons that are beyond their control or not their fault."

Should our dealing with real issues that are truly getting in the way of many people not getting a spouse be translated into placing fault on everyone who is still single beyond 35? "Some" and "many" are not "everyone." Again, if the shoe does not fit, it does not have to be worn.

You say that you prefer movie star, good looking men, not fat, obese, sloppy looking males. The truth is that obese men are not the ones complaining all of the time against women such as yourself. However, obese women constantly complain against men who do not like overweight women. As you mentioned, the women far outnumber the men. Therefore, there are many women who are considered physically attractive who will accept an obese gentleman in order to have a companion. This is not usually the case the other way around. Therefore, like it or don't like it, being obese gets in the way for women much more than it gets in the way for men. This is not sexism. This is not opinion. This is not speculation. This is pure fact. If the men far outnumbered the women, perhaps things would be different. But, this is not the case.

You wrote: "It's a mistake, sexist, a double standard, and very shallow for Christians to lecture Christian women to lose 20 pounds but at the same time that they should be open to dating fat or short men. Fair is fair. If you're taking that view, you need to lecture tubby Christian single men to hit the gym and lose the beer gut."

Again, obese men are NOT the ones who are complaining. They can find a woman who will accept them as they are whether they hit the gym and lose the beer gut or not. Regarding women being open to short/obese men, if you read the article, you will see that we specifically said that no one expects to force a woman to be attracted to a dwarf. But, when we hear of women rejecting men because he is even an inch shorter than her, that is utterly ridiculous.

You wrote: ..."You only mention physical appearance in a critical context in regards to females ("Lose weight fatty, if you want a man") but don't tell men "Lose weight you fat slobs, if you want a girl friend.""

We repeat, the obese men are not the ones complaining all of the time. The obese females are the ones complaining constantly. Each gender has things that are unique potential problems to that gender. In the majority of cases, a weight problem is a FEMALE problem, not a male one. We are not going to concentrate on male obesity simply to be "fair" when it is no where near the problem that female obesity is when it comes to finding a mate.

You wrote: "To get a good idea of what older Christian singles (both males and females) go through and the discrimination or ostracization they face in churches and Christian culture, please see the books "Quitting Church" by Julia Duin and "Singled Out" by Colon and Field. EMAIL ADDRESS REMOVED

For your information, we have an excellent idea of what older Christian singles go through! It appears that you have made the assumption that we are a group of sexist, married men. We are NOT! We are both men and women, and married and unmarried. Among us are singles who know the discrimination first hand, and who are even older than 40 and still single, yet attractive physically, open to all races, body types, etc. It is for this reason that we started a totally free, quality dating service for single Christians--genuine, Bible-believing, obedient-to-Christ believers. However, there are issues that we have seen time and time again that are interfering with godly matches being made. We chose to deal with some of these issues that are as real as life. And, they are not going to go away as long as they are ignored.
by: Heavenly Manna
Posted on 2012-09-21 16:45:03


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